Friday, October 13, 2006

Bite Me!...

     I have to go to the dentist's office tomorrow (Oh, my...look at the time.  TODAY actually!) and I'm dreading it.  Frankly, I dread these appointments twice a insurance company MAKES me go twice a year to keep my excellent coverage...go figure...because if I had it MY way, my dentist would see me about as often as the Seattle Supersonics make it to the playoffs.  That would be maybe 3-4 times in a lifetime?

     I actually really LIKE my dentist...she's kind...she's gentle...she's funny...BUT, she's still a DENTIST!  And she carries a big drill.

     I think I have PTSD from my childhood dentist (That would be Previous Trauma of Sheety Dentist...PTSD) and this continues to plague me now, even in my forties.  My childhood dentist was a crotchety, old geezer who should have retired long before I was born...or at least sometime shortly after his HANDS started to shake violently!  He had hairy arms, bad breath himself, and a tremor that would register on the Richter Scale.  More than once, he dropped hot filling on my tongue and only once did I bite him when this happened.  After the first "chomp" on my part, I was fitted with an ultra-security, stainless steel, ratcheting mouth brace that kept me from coming within a foot of clenching my teeth together.  Ah...those were the days!

     Now, my dentist's office is an all FEMALE establishment (because women don't usually reek of Old Spice and have hairy knuckles).  There are TV screens in the ceiling, warm blankets to soothe me, high tech computer equipment surrounding me, head phones for music if I choose, and the lovely scent of Nitrous lofting in the air.  And still I worry.

     Tomorrow (or today, depending on how I look at it), my lovely dentist will jokingly chide me for missing my appointment this Spring when I was in MS relapse.  She'll no doubt have questions about the TYSABRI I am taking and most likely recommend I have that crown done that she's been eyeing for the past 5 years...the one I just can't consent to for treatment because I don't believe in fixing what isn't broken.  I guess to a dentist's logic, that doesn't make much sense as it is easier to fix BEFORE it gets broken!

     I will leave my dentist's office with my baggy of goodies, which includes free "everything" the toothpaste and dental hygiene companies dole out...I'm sure I will once again wonder what my pre-appointment anxieties were about...and I'll have a fresh set of spit-cleaned choppers to show for my visit.  And, just hours later, I will muck up her fine work by eating the usual crap I call food...the stuff that keeps dentists in business...


crovira2 said...

Don't hate me too much, but I <i>love</i> my dentist.

I fall asleep in the chair everytime I go there because I'm so relaxed.

It <b>wasn't</b> always like that but I have learned to pick <b>good</b> dentists and avoid all that pain.

And then I stuck with them until I inevitably moved on, for work reasons. (Though that option is running out &lt;sigh&gt; and I wonder how they, the mysterious they, think I'm supposed to live without money. My wife got a letter from SSI and she's now got to work another 7 [it used to be less,] years before she can "<i>take a breather</i>." )

Your insurance company actually <i>cares</i> about you and your mouth?

What is their name?

My doesn't care if my mouth gets filled with rot and gravel. (Frankly I think they'd be happpiest if I was dead, unable to cause them any grief with things like providing services or invoices, and still paying.)

My excellent dentist is also an expensive dentist and I'd like to not have to pay for his wifes new <i>Lexus</i> all by myself.

I don't eat crap and mushy food and stuff, but I usually have a cigar right after I go for the quarterly cleaning to try and get the taste out of my mouth. :-)

Stay healthy.

That includes brushing and flossing.

mdmhvonpa said...

"she's still a DENTIST!  And she carries a big drill."

Rwoooowr!  My kind of gal! :D

Make sure to eat a box of oreo's before you go and insist they need a hunky dental hygenist to 'work you over'.  One with MASSIVE PECTORAL MUSCLES. (Wren and Stimpy)

billibotton said...

Right there with ya, babe. You can do it. If I can, anybody can....that's meant as encouragement!!! BOL! And don't BITE! lol

baitulos said...

CROVIRA2:  LMAO!!!  Not about your mouth or insurance issues, however...but the way you write about them!  And I think you're right...I've been looking over my shoulder lately for the Mega Insurance Company Hit Man...I think I 'm on a "special" list now and it scares me!  LOL  I've already told friends, if I wind up dead from some freak accident, go after my health insurance company because they got tired of paying!!!


baitulos said...

MDMHVONPA:  Hehe hehe...I think my sweet lil' dentist would object to your potty mouth ways...matter of fact, she'd DRILL that right out of ya!!!  But then again, I suppose you'd like that...


baitulos said...

BILLIBOTTON:  I DON'T bite...hard anyway!  Oh yeah, and I'm free for another 6 months!  WooHoo!!!  No dental work needed...although I DO miss the Nitrous...hmmmm....