Have you noticed there just isn't much happening over here at AOL BRAINCHEESE? That's because all the fun stuff is happening over at
Same blog, different website. Continuous cornucopia of crap...podcast of poo...Bookmark it. Do it now! (Man I love to be bossy)...see you there!
(If you haven't been following BRAINCHEESE at www.brain-cheese.blogspot.com , you've just been missing out! Come on...make the switch. This post is a follow up to one "over there"...so, if you haven't been "over there", you may be lost!)
Wow! I've been missing from action for about 36 hours. I managed to finish the final inservice/teaching project at work on Thursday (**insert a big "WOOHOO" here please**), only to find myself completely debilitated AGAIN very early Friday morning by another headache...AKA, "migraine", as Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named has labeled it. It was that same pliers-squeezing-my-eyeball-pain in my left eye...THIS time, I also had numbness and a bit of a droop to the left side of my face! Talk about a happy Friday the 13th...
Fortunately, I'm a fairly quick study (sometimes) and decided around 2:00AM to start loading up on the narcotics. I finally fell back to sleep around 8:00AM and was able to doze off and on all day on Friday...the pain began letting up Friday evening. Dr. SWWNBN has decided to do yet ANOTHER MRI of my noggin, but I'm not sure what (if anything) she is looking for...she may just be checking to make sure I still HAVE a brain! I suppose since this "brain pain" is brand new, she might be checking for any changes afoot.
A few days ago, I wrote about possibly trying an experiment with myself being the sole participant...it was about cutting out the "Dew"/caffeine from my diet and seeing if there might be any significant and noticeable changes in my fatigue/sleep/blood pressure (and now headaches, I add).
Well...as luck would have it, I was so miserable in pain and nauseated on Friday, I consumed NO caffeine whatsoever! So I decided now might be as good a time as any to get my project, "Downsize Me" under way...this should be interesting...LOL
I'm going to be tracking my fatigue, hours of sleep, weight, and blood pressure for the next 28 days as I eliminate ALL caffeine from my diet...I'm already CRAVING chocolate of all things! Of course this is completely subjective (and I'm sorry to say, most PHARMACEUTICAL STUDIES are, too...they'd just like to think they're not!) and will never be published in the annals of Neurology Today. LOL Woe is me...
As I weave (and maybe even heave) my way through the next 28 days, I'll be using BRAINCHEESE as a forum to document this "highly regarded study"...as always, I'll try to keep it entertaining if not down right riveting...(now I'M nearly wetting my pants laughing at that prospect!)
So, here's a little video I've prepared for you as the launch pad for "DOWNSIZE ME"...and just so you know...no animals will be harmed in this study!
And if you're curious why I'm so tired, head over to www.brain-cheese.blogspot.com to read why...truly rivoting things are happening over there! LOL But then again, I think I could make passing gas intriguing with enough "colorful" words! (But it's still just a fart, folks...)
Yup...it's true. I'll be up at the crack of dawn AGAIN on Monday! Why God, why?!?
I know why and the answer is simple...I'm easy. Fortunately, I am NOT free! I will be training the final early morning class of Management of Aggressive Behavior in the wee hours of the morning at work tomorrow. And just to pour an ample amount of salt in my wound, it IS supposed to be my day off!
It's nearly 9:45PM on Sunday right now...I'm still up posting on a blog...I'll probably STILL be up until my "usual" bedtime, which falls somewhere between midnight and 3:00AM. The good news (if one can call it "good") is, with such little sleep in the morning, I will remain blissfully unaware and unconcerned about the training attendees...at least not until around 10:00AM when I actually DO wake up. LOL
We also have the first round of good-bye parties for DP, my retiring boss. But, of course, this will not start at the office until 2:00PM (when I would normally be reporting for work if I was SUPPOSED to be at work...and not home ON MY DAY OFF!)...this means I will "linger" (or malinger...just depends) at the office following our training, which ends at noon. There's always lunch to eat, but two hours is a long time to kill when sleep deprived...sort of makes me WANT to kill instead.
I cannot seem to get that totally stupid sleep aid commercial out of my head right now as I type...you know the one. Lunesta. By tomorrow evening I'll most likely be wishing I had some of that, except MY drug would be spelled "Loonesta"...fitting, eh?
Off now to prepare to go to bed so I can stare at the ceiling and chastise myself for my "simple" ways...
**Note to self: Never ever agree to do something at work unless there is a substantial amount of cash involved for your time and effort. Thank You's do NOT equal cash, nor can Thank You's pay the mortgage.**
But if YOU want to read about it and my Easter heathen ways, you'll have to jump over to Blogspot (do I STILL need to put the link in here?!? Fine... http://brain-cheese.blogspot.com/ ).
See you there...
Why are you still here? Do you fear change soooo much you'd rather miss more PEEP postings over at www.brain-cheese.blogspot.com ? Are you continuing to linger here as a subtle message to BrainCheese?
Take a deep breath...now blow it out...carefully move your mouse over the above link and left click. That's right...nice and easy...you can do it! You're almost to BrainCheese on Blogspot!
I have faith in you...LOL
They've been on the shelves now, probably even before the sun went down on Valentine's Day...I'm talking about those sugar-laden, little marshmallow things we've come to associate with Eastertime. Peeps.
When I was still young enough to believe in the Easter Bunny (and I promise NOT to digress here about my concerns of just how prolific rabbits and the resurrection of Jesus became a combined holiday tradition and belief! LOL), there were Peeps. These little candy treats have been around for nearly 70 years (and NO, I am not old enough to remember the "birth" of Peeps...who, by the way, are made by a company called "Just Born"). They are a part of Springtime and now even a part of Christmas and Halloween.
The weirdos I work with (no, I'm NOT talking about patients here) have held long-standing traditions and beliefs about Peeps...how to eat them, when to eat them, etc. Some in my office prefer to buy their Peeps a year in advance, save them to "age" them, and then bring the Peeps out for fine dining the following year. Still others believe the "newer" tradition of Peeps shaped as bunnies is just plain WRONG...Peeps are chickens/chicks after all!
One year, a few of the "brighter bulbs" in my office decided to try something new with Peeps and use them to make smores. Graham crackers and chocolate bars were collected, as well as an assortment of Peeps. But since no one had access to a campfire in our downtown office, "someone" got the bright idea to try heating the Peep smores up in the microwave. An important lesson was learned that day...marshmallow Peeps WILL explode in a microwave!! (File THAT little tidbit of information in your important trivia files.)
There is even a tradition this time of year held here in Seattle...it's called the Peep Art Show/Competition. If you look closely at the photo above, you WILL be appalled to see Peeps have been substituted as disciples in Leonardo da'Vinci's "The Last Supper"...or maybe you WON'T be offended?
Maybe you, like me, will find humor in the political "incorrectness" and sarcasm of the photo and get back to the grass roots of what is REALLY important to remember and to celebrate during this Easter/Passover season. You DO recall what this is, don't you? Good...now let's all take a moment of silence together and pause to remember the Easter Bunny...LOL
Peep out, my peeps...
Well, not exactly. Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named instructions were to take a handful of Verapamil and see if this helps my eye pain/headache!
Yep...it's still here. That vise-pressing pain in my left eye. Nothing to date has helped relieve this pain and optic neuritis has been ruled "out"...rumor has it on the streets, I may just be experiencing my first MIGRAINE.
I started out my day with a visit to my favorite Nurse Practitioner's office, PP...I had this appointment scheduled well over two months ago as it was time for my every-two-year physical. You know the "one"...where no opening on the body is left unexplored. LOL
I gimped into her office and threw myself down in a chair. My blood pressure was elevated. Her assistant asked me if this was because I was in pain? "Duh", almost fell out of my mouth, but I restrained my vocal chords.
Yes, I WAS in about a class 6-7 pain mode (the worst pain I ever had in my life caused me to pass out, so that's my "10" on the pain scale). Yes, my B/P was most likely elevated to 135/100 because my left eye felt like someone had grabbed it from behind with a pair of pliers. I tried to be pleasant to the assistant, but I just wasn't in the mood.
Put on the gown and strip down to the socks...was there anything in particular I needed to talk with PP about? Again, "duh", was sitting with a tremendous fidget on my lips...I bit my tongue as I let the assistant know I would speak directly to PP about my "issues", thank you very much.
PP entered the room, took one look at me, and inquired "what's wrong?" I proceeded to fill her in on my litany of complaints while she dutifully responded in kind with "ahuh's" and "oh's!" to each of my rehearsed lines...after all, one cannot waste time in these appointments...it's best to go prepared with a list. LOL
She listened intently (which is all the more reason she remains my FAVORITE Nurse Practitioner!), took notes, and started to address each complaint systematically. She proceeded through the motions of the "physical" while I told jokes in a feeble attempt to normalize the fact my knees were up in the air and PP's head was much to close to my Cha-Cha.
PP had blood work drawn, talked to me about my peri-menopausal symptoms (like how quickly "duh" flies off my lips in fits of hormonal agitation!) and told me to wait in her office while she consulted an ophthalmologist. I did as I was told.
The wait was short and she returned to my darkened room to tell me I was to go immediately to said Op Doc's office a few blocks away for an eye consult...PP obviously has more "pull" in the medical community than I give her credit for! I gathered my things and again, did as I was told.
The Op Doc's office was only a short wait before 11 year old, Doogie Houser, came out to take me to HIS darkened exam room...the poor man appeared to be young enough to be my son and I was sure I saw a glistening wetness behind his little ears (he WAS barely wet behind the ears!).
Doogie/Op Doc examined my eyes...he dilated my eyes (without warning, I might add), he peered inside the windows to my brain, and announced "everything looks good". I thought this was rather funny for an eye doctor to say..."looks good"...he didn't understand why I was chuckling.
Doogie reassured me my optic nerves were intact in both eyes and there did not appear to be any inflammation or external cause for my pain...he needed to consult with Mother PP. He returned to tell me Mother PP wanted me to contact Dr. SWWNBN for follow up...I asked why? He told me he didn't know, but didn't want to get in "the middle of it". Bless his heart. I think he may have ALREADY gotten too far in the middle of things! LOL
I left his office to go outside with my completely blown pupils, only to discover, the one day out of the year the sun just HAD to shine in Seattle, was today. I could barely see to drive, but decided why should THIS minor event stop me from becoming a potential auto fatality? I rubbed Buddha's belly and got in my car, saying my prayers to the Highway Heaven and drove home. Somehow I managed to make the 15 mile trek home with only one eye open and my left eye watering like a hose.
I promptly emailed Dr. SWWNBN...she promptly emailed me back. If this wasn't optic neuritis, she was placing her bets on migraine. I was considering leafing through the Yellow Pages to see if anyone was still performing lobotomies...for HER, not me!
Migraine??? But I've never had a headache in my life, I proudly emailed back. There are only a few things I take such pride in and one of them is my self-proclaimed idea I have NEVER had a headache without a cause (such as concussions, meningitis, etc.)...that, and the fact I like to rub it in that my bladder works JUST fine, thank you very much! I AM a proud person, after all.
Why in hell's name would I be experiencing my first headache/migraine at age 42?...my fingers were hot on the keyboard as I searched for any other plausible explanation for my pain. Dr. SWWNBN swiftly emailed me back (like a shot to my heart) and informed my stoopid self, "Migraines and MS are quite common". That was it. The doctor had spoken. The verdict was in...and the jury of one convicted me. I am having a migraine.
I'm new to this headache world, so pardon me if I am a bit "poo poo" about this event. I DID agree to try Verapamil (a cardiac calcium channel blocker, I think?)...but only under duress...this pain is KILLING me!
OK...it's NOT actually killing me, but I'm almost to the point with it I "wish" it would! I've had many and various "pains" in my life (some in my neck, some in my arse LOL), but I've never had this type of pressure in my head before. I am learning a greater empathy for those who suffer from migraines...it's pretty friggin' miserable.
So, I'm off to drug myself with Verapamil, Zanaflex, Mirapex, and anything else I can find that might stupefy me for a few hours of sleep. And I am hoping when I wake up in the morning, this new little migraine friend will have relocated...I'd say maybe to YOUR house, but I wouldn't wish this kind of discomfort on anyone!...I humbly bow to you MS migraine suffers...
It started yesterday afternoon/evening with a teary left eye. Since I/eye was already feeling quite "crappy" with restless leg symptoms in my left leg, weakness in my right, and a magnitude 6.0 quaking spasm in my lower back, I/eye didn't pay much attention to the "eye".
This morning, I/eye awoke with a solid "ache" in both my eyes...as if my eyeballs were being squeezed in a small vise. The pain was intense, but not such that I/eye couldn't bare it...and the left eye continued to water relentlessly. I/eye couldn't ascertain if the pain was actually radiating from my eye sockets or the eyes themselves.
Dutifully (and as always), I/eye emailed Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named AFTER completing my own nursing assessment of my condition...there was no fever, no increase in pain with increased ocular pressure (put my head below my waist while standing), no unusual sinus drainage...nothing...except the additional eye pain. I/eye had been chewing on Zanaflex, Mirapex, and Advil for the past 24 hours like they were tic tacs...I/eye was being a "good" patient and resting as I/eye was told to do. Why had THIS new event now occurred?
Dr. SWWNBN had no explanation...did I/eye have a fever? No. Did I/eye have green snot blowing from my nose? No. Had I/eye ever had a cluster headache before? No. In fact, I/eye can proudly say I/eye have never had anything remotely close to the pain described by migraine suffers...unless one could include two concussions, a skull fracture, meningitis, or headache as a side effect from medication as a REAL headache! LOL The good doctor remained stumped and told me to "just rest and see how you do" (?). Like I/eye wasn't doing THAT already?!?
I/eye started taking Advil and Tylenol in a rotating, two hour pattern in an attempt to get some control over the eye pain...eventually the left eye ceased tearing as much and the pain became more localized in the left...but the pain remained too intense for my liking. I/eye substituted the Tylenol for 1/2 a Vicodin, thinking it was time to bring in the "big guns", AND I/eye emailed Dr. SWWNBN of my progress (or lack of it). I/eye didn't hear back from her.
Finally deciding to take matters into my own hands, I/eye researched "cluster headaches" on the Internet...I/eye feel confident in proclaiming I/eye do NOT have a cluster headache. Although some of my symptoms appear similar, the pain has not relented...this would normally occur with a cluster headache.
So I/eye remain puzzled as to what is wrong with my eye(s)...I/eye believe if this were O.N. (optic neuritis), I'd/eyed be experiencing an even worse excruciating pain. Sinusitis? Perhaps. Brain tumor? I/eye highly doubt it.
I(eye)'m getting ready now to go load up on as many medications as I/eye think it will take to tranquilize this elephant and try to get some sleep...between my back/legs and my eye pain, I/eye anticipate sleep will be somewhat elusive for me. I/eye DO see my favorite nurse practitioner, PP, tomorrow, so I(eye)'m hoping she can help me sort out this mystery pain (along with looking in every other orifice for my every-two-year physical exam!)...and maybe she will be able to figure out if this episode is a real relapse or secondary to some other illness/infection.
We'll "see"...or maybe NOT if this eye pain worsens!...
Having grown weary and short on time, I have decided the AOL-ers will just have to click on Brain-Cheese at Blogger to read the most recent post! Besides, the post titled: Happy(?) April Fool's Day...I Think?... has an Easter Egg embedded in it at the end of the post. I simply cannot disappoint those on Blogger by double posting a treasured Easter Egg here on AOL now, can I? LOL
Hit this link, and you should be directed right over to Brain-Cheese on Blogger: http://brain-cheese.blogspot.com/
It happened so quickly...we were demonstrating a self-defense technique to the class and I was on the floor. "T", my partner in training crime, was holding the kick bag and pretending to be my attacker...I was "pretending" to be a victim on the ground, about to be assaulted with a knife. We had done this maneuver before together...we were the "trainers", not the trainees after all...skilled and aware of the safety issues of the class.
I gave a solid blow to her knee in the direction of the kick bag (with my allegedly weak leg) and that's when it happened. My foot slipped up under the kick bag and connected with "T's" knee, nearly buckling the leg.
There wasn't any swelling initially..."T" remained a trooper and returned later in the day to instruct ANOTHER 4 hour session with our coworkers...but the "knee" was very sore. I hung my head, feeling like an idiot who had just sternly instructed my coworkers (the trainees) on the issues of SAFETY while in the course, the need for careful attention to detail, and to NOT injure one another.
"T" called me today while I was in a 9 hour Union meeting. There's a crack in her bone...not fractured through, but cracked. She can't walk on the leg and the doctor has instructed her to stay off of it to give it time to "heal".
She tells me, "Well, that technique really works cuz this is proof. I'm supposed to stay off my leg and it should heal just fine."
Unfortunately, while she's going home to heal, I feel like a heel...
Peggy used to say that...my mother, that is. "No rest for the wicked". To this day, I have no idea what exactly that saying meant coming from her! LOL
All I know is I must have racked up some "wicked" points in the past few months because I've had no REST at all these last few weeks...my job has been extremely fast-paced and relentless lately and I am nearly "too pooped to pop" (another "Pegism"...she had some good ones, didn't she?!?).
Tomorrow morning, I return to work at the crack of dawn (7:30AM) to present two, 4 hour training sessions ON MY DAY OFF, I might add. I will literally be at work from 7:30 in the morning to 11:00PM at night...you may now make wagers on exactly how "wicked" I have been recently...LOL.
I have become so tired recently, I find myself waking up each morning and saying the MS Prayer...you know the one..."Dear God, please don't give me a relapse of my multiple sclerosis today. And if you must, please let it kill me."
I very much doubt between now and Saturday I will find the time to post anything on either BrainCheese sites (you AOL-ers REALLY need to get on board and switch to the dark side of BrainCheese at Blogspot: http://www.brain-cheese.blogspot.com/ )...I also have an all day meeting to attend starting at 9:00AM on Friday. As I have told Corrine via a private email, "I imagine I will be ass-spanking insane by the time this month is over"!!! Well, at least I work in the business of "insane", so it IS familiar territory...
So, I'm off to go about my "wicked" ways...I have some typing and an outline to get completed before dawn shows her gnarly face in the morning. I imagine by 11:00PM tomorrow I will feel as if I have been "rode hard, and put up wet". Someone should really thank my mother for these God-awful sayings...anybody have a Ouija Board handy so we can call her??...LOL...
If for some strange reason, you are still lurking over here at AOL to read BrainCheese, you ARE missing Easter Egg #2 at BrainCheese on Blogspot...and believe me ladies (and I apologize now, gentlemen!), EE #2 is a keeper!
Head over there now at http://brain-cheese.blogspot.com/
It's official...Anna Nicole Smith died from an accidental, polydrug overdose. I NEVER would have guessed that in a million years.
**THUD**
For the love of God, I am sick of hearing about this poor woman's life! I would be curious to know how many thousands of dollars it has taken to determine that she DIED FROM A PRESCRIPTIVE DRUG OVERDOSE. If only "they" would have called ME, I could have saved people a hella load of money on that final report...and I am neither a pathologist nor a rocket scientist. LOL
It amazes me the stories that "entertain" us (focusing mostly on American culture now) these days...dramatic, bizarre, freak-show-type tales of other people's lives. I guess this is why reality TV is sooo popular in our culture, too. Our OWN lives have become so mundane and boring, we must rely on the tragedies of others (and I'm sorry, but every contestant on any reality TV show is a "tragedy"!) to entertain us or feel better about ourselves in some sick sort of way.
For instance, we now have TV shows about midgets, obese people trying to lose weight for money, celebrities trying to lose weight for money, kids singing with the dream to become an "American Idol" but usually ending up humiliated on national television, stupid women trying to win the "love" of a bachelor for cash, and the list goes on and on.
Let's face it folks...we are ALL fat, stupid, ugly, untalented, graceless, irritating slobs to some degree if that's what we choose to see in other people around us. We will never be any more than what we choose to believe is REALITY about our neighbor.
Maybe that's why so many of "us" are killing ourselves these days from "accidental drug overdoses"...just a thought...
Yeah, I know...I threatened you "peeps" with a move of BRAINCHEESE over to Blogspot.com...and I AM in the process of trying to transfer every last, freakin' piece of rambling prose over to that "other" site! I imagine this move will take another six months at the rate I'm going...
Anybody else sick of those Verizon commercials?!? I can't wait until that commercial guy who walks around in those silly things really DOES start to have hearing problems...and not just because of his cell phone connection! But, I rant for not...
Actually, the title of this post is to elicit feedback from all of you loyal CHEESE readers (that would be all two of you) regarding hearing problems and Multiple Sclerosis. Generally speaking (and posing an extremely simplified version of a complex question), do YOU have any difficulties with your hearing because of your MS?
My personal quest to unravel this mystery stems from my own curiosity...that, and a vague response from Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named regarding this issue! It began as follows:
About two weeks ago (maybe more, maybe less...I'm not much for attention to details when it comes to symptoms and time LOL), I started noticing these brief periods of "buzzing" in my left ear. I have frequently had "issues" with my left ear since childhood (i.e., multiple ear infections, some hearing loss, occasional pain, etc.), so my first notice of this occurring was more of a "Hey...that's odd" type of thought. Not wanting to be an alarmist, I'd just sort of "note" it, and carry on.
Then the buzzing episodes began occurring almost daily, very briefly, no pain, and no real reason to think I wasn't just experiencing some bizarre allergy or head cold development. Now, I am experiencing this buzzing several times a day. It's not exactly tinnitis (ringing in the ears), but literally more like a white noise, buzzing sound that seems to mute my hearing slightly. It is as if the sounds around me are having to travel under water before I hear them. (I know, I know...now I really AM starting to "sound" like a lunatic!) It's truly no more than an annoyance and the episodes only last for a few seconds to minutes...but, it IS bugging me!
I emailed Dr. SWWNBN a question about MS and hearing problems and she responded, "potentially" MS could cause this and that I needed to see an Ear/Nose/Throat doctor. I not-so-gently reminded her I just SAW an ENT that SHE sent me to in January and my ears checked out just fine!
So, I've now decided to pose this question to the REAL experts...all y'all who read my blathering crap and have MS! Have YOU had any trouble with your hearing caused by MS and/or experienced a similar symptom? I KNOW more than two of you with MS read this cornucopia of crap, so please throw me a friggin' bone here and leave a comment...I'd love to HEAR (yuck yuck) from you!...
My mother used to refer to the "other half" a lot...her "other half" (my father) and "THE other half", meaning people with money. I'm speaking of neither of those "other half-s" in this post. I'm talking about the unusual breed of "DAY PEOPLE"...the other half.
As I mentioned earlier this week, I am being punished (I'm still searching for the culprit responsible LOL) by having to work a string of daytime shifts at my job. I refer to it as "punishment" because I am just not a daytime/morning person...never have been, doubt I ever will be.
My best hours of functioning on the 24 hour clock are generally anytime between 12PM and 12AM. I can't even claim to be fully alert and oriented until around 10:00AM! LOL And my entire work life, I have somehow managed to get (and keep) jobs that afforded me this afternoon scheduling. It's also a much more convenient work schedule for someone who suffers from chronic bouts of insomnia...it just works for me.
The past two mornings, I have had the extremely unpleasant and distasteful horror of waking to the loud, bleeping of an alarm clock...I hate alarm clocks. But I hate being late for work even more, so I have had to rely on this disgusting technology to insure my arrival at my place of employment "on time". Rarely do I ever have to set an alarm clock when I'm working with MY "other half"...the afternoon and evening people who carry on the same tasks as the morning folks, but just later in the day. And I will be blessed with these "day folks" presence for at least 3 more mornings in a row...I'm nearly SICK with "delight" over the prospect of an alarm for three more days. LOL
I've noticed several differences between "the other half" and my crew of derelict, evening worker bees. First of all, day people are grumpy...and I really can't blame them! Who in their right mind would be "cheerful" having to show up day after day, after being awakened by an alarm, throw down a quart of coffee just to act civilized, and THEN try to be pleasant? I certainly wouldn't be.
The "other half" also seem to become much more involved in the politics of the job...they spend several minutes to many hours a day discussing and cussing with administrative figures about this and that. We evening people have the wonderful pleasure of avoiding most contact with the "suits" (what we refer to as our administration group)...consequently, we seem to get more of the actual WORK done during our time at the office.
The "other half" contends with miserable morning traffic, but they also have 100 bus routes to choose when coming and leaving work. When I drive my three miles to work around 2:00PM in the afternoon, my biggest "jam" is generally found when a school bus decides to unload a group of kids on their way home at the end of the day (yes, school does let out quite early here in Seattle!). But I have very limited bus choices, especially when returning home at midnight...unless I want to stand on the corner downtown with a crowd of drunks and deviants.
The "other half" gets all of the good parking. I suppose they SHOULD since they get to work dayum near in the dark! But, then again, I ALWAYS leave in the dark, too, so...LOL
The "other half" almost always gets to leave work on time...and I've discovered that's because THIS "other half" (again, my evening peeps!) comes in dutifully to RELIEVE them...every day...day after day...like clock work. I find it somehow comforting to know someone ELSE will be coming in to clean up or finish whatever mess I have started or created. This must be a luxury to the "other half"...LOL
The "other half" always seems to have time and takes time for lunch...it's a union rule I guess. LOL When working anytime before 2:00PM, it is sanctioned that a sit down meal MUST occur. MY "other half" is lucky if we get to cram down a cold beverage and a bag of chips while running in between cases some evenings. Sitting down to eat has seemed odd to my digestive system these past two days. LOL
I guess if it weren't for the TIMING of working the day hours, I could grow to ENJOY the shift's many perks. If only I could somehow convince Congress to completely revamp our commerce system...but hey, there's always hope! They did sneak in that crappy Day Light Saving time change earlier this year by government vote...LOL...
Mkay...somebody pu-leeze explain to me all of this "American Idol" hype! I simply don't get it...
Teenaged KIDS go on national television to be judged by the American public whether or not they meet the "high" standards of the American people to be considered an American Idol...the extremely intelligent American public TEXT MESSAGES or CALLS in their vote and only one of these young lost souls gets crowned "THE" American Idol.
I'm sorry to have to inform you of this, but I'm pretty sure most of those votes are coming from a trailer park located somewhere in an extremely remote part of the country...where huge, flat-screened TVs are more important than feeding the children...just as long as the 3x4 screen fits nicely on the single wide, tin wall and it doesn't cause the trailer to tilt TOO much to one side!
Oh...and if YOU happen to be a fan of this show, OF COURSE I am not talking about YOU (unless you ARE living in the double-wide, missing several teeth, and truly believe seeing young kids humiliated on national TV is a "hoot").
As they say in the "biz", that's entertainment...
I also had the pleasure (or discomfort...it's a matter of perspective) of a visit to Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named today. She looked at me rather puzzled as to why I was in her office...I considered the odds of getting her to change my diagnosis from Multiple Sclerosis to...oh, I don't know...maybe a benign brain tumor, but then her memory snapped back into place (it really should worry me that my neurologist has to ASK me why I am in her office!). It was my first Novantrone infusion follow up...she remembered after all.
I seemed to have passed my neuro exam without much cheating on my part...I DO study for these events...always trying to master new ways of keeping my EDSS score (Expanded Disability Status Scale) on the low side! LOL In my dealings with Dr. SWWNBN, I find it is best to "control" the amount of information/data I provide for her...lest she suggest bright ideas I have no intention of carrying out...for example STEROIDS or NEW MEDICATIONS!
I believe after our first year of working together, Dr. SWWNBN has learned she must suggest things to me in a manner which, I then in turn, believe her suggestion was MY idea. She told me today she "knew better than to suggest Solumedrol" for my current complaints/concerns/annoyances. I strongly agreed. After my last go round with the potent steroid, I have taken a vow of "steroid celibacy"...refusing to consent to the drug unless under drastic circumstance...such as blindness, total paralysis, or any near death experiences! LOL AND, my current set of complaints simply do not rate high enough on my discomfort scale at this time to warrant consideration of a "drastic circumstance".
I have found myself once again settling into that horrible place of fatigue. Having had a recent burst of energy following my Novantrone dose, I was reminded what my energy level USED to be...and, I must say, I rather miss my more "peppy" side. Dr. SWWNBN and I bantered over the idea of taking Amantidine or Provigil for my fatigue. I reminded her I still have a full bottle of 100 Amantidine (which I never took after filling the script!) from my previous neurologist and I simply wasn't "keen" on the idea of more medication. She skillfully (and I now believe somewhat manipulatively, too) argued the benefit of the drug versus side effects, placed me in her neurologist hypnotic trance, and I walked out agreeing to TRY the dayum drug for at least a week! Fortunately, the effects of her mesmerizing spell have worn off throughout the day, and I am once again leaning toward NOT adding another pill to my mix...especially right now during one of the busiest times in work life. We'll see...(But I doubt it...Mum's the word!)
So, I am off to bed soon (which translates into "sometime in the next 6-10 hours") to try to get some rest with the help of my friends, Xanax and Klonopin...I have not been sleeping well at all, and this only adds to my already fatigued feeling. I have a very busy and extremely LONG work week ahead of me. (And by the way, if I work MORE than 7 days in a row, can this really be called a "work week"? Feedback please...LOL)
For those of you that I have been remiss in leaving comments on YOUR blogs, please know you are definitely being "watched" by me (AKA, I am reading your posts)...I don't know if this should comfort or alarm you...LOL...
Who sang that song anyway? The title of this post, that is? I can only assume it was some strong-willed person with an investment to keep "something" out...LOL I have adopted that song as my theme for this week...that's right...I hear YOU (MS) knocking, but you can't come in!
It started as just a few pebbles being thrown at my windows...MS tossed me a bit of fatigue and some calf stiffness/spasticity a week or so ago. When I didn't throw open my shades and peek out at it, MS decided to become a bit more "persistent" in gaining my attention...this past week my dear friend upped the anti on the fatigue in an exhausting attempt to gain notice. But still, I paid it no mind.
Over this past weekend, my lifetime buddy has been screaming that famous quote from the movie "Fatal Attraction"...you know the one...where the lovely (but a bit deranged) Glenn Close yells at Michael Douglas, "I will NOT be ignored!" MS began raising a bit more ruckus outside my door...I plugged my ears and did the ol' "La la la la" thing. LOL
By Sunday evening, there came sounds of frantic thunder pounding by my MS friend...shock waves of electricity bolting down my arms if I moved my head/neck in a certain way (what I can only imagine is L'Hermitte's Sign)...actually, I find this phenomenon kind of "cool" in a sick and twisted sort of way!
And finally today, the grand finale'...pain in my left arm radiating into my hand.
"OK, OK!", I'm yelling. "I HEAR you. But I'm not letting you in. Just slip a note under the door and I'll get back to you."
**Note to self: If this little coup works, I'll try this tactic on door to door proselytizers and sales people.**
Oh, the times they are a changin'...maybe...probably...we'll see! LOL
I think I have finally decided to do away with AOHELL...eventually (note the indecision here?!?). We just seem to have grown apart...we like different things. For instance, I prefer to be able to log into my journal and have ALL of the features up and running. AOL prefers to take a hit or miss approach. I like things that are "free"...AOL likes to charge me for free things. I like the freedom of high(er) speed internet...AOL would like me to pay not only them, but ALSO a high speed internet company. I'm hoping if I DO decide on divorce, this can be settled out of court! LOL
I've been spending some time over at www.blogspot.com . I've been playing with setting up a new home for BrainCheese over there...I must say, it is quite tedious to try and transfer well over 300 posts! I only started BrainCheese here on AOL last year in at the end of March, and I am not even HALF WAY through transferring April 2006!
But, if you'd like to check out the potential new home for BrainCheese, here's the addy: http://brain-cheese.blogspot.com/ . What I plan to do for the time being is double post...that's right...you heard me...post my ranting crap in TWO places simultaneously!!! I won't transfer "over there" completely until I've finished cut and pasting the entire year of 2006...which, at the rate I'm going, could be sometime at the end of 2007.
I have also heard horror stories of folks trying to sever their ties with AOL and running into a nightmare-ish loop of calls between India and Quebec...as we all know, AOL IS no longer "America On Line"...it's more like IOL...International On Line.
As always, I'll keep all y'all posted (now in TWO places!) of where and when I finally land...but if I have my say in the matter, it just won't continue to be here.
"Lack of sleep...lack of physical rest...too much stress/anxiety...lack of a proper diet...very long hours at work...lack of physical exercise because of time schedule...monthly hormonal fluctuation..."
The above paragraph just came to me in a vision (or via psychotic break, perhaps!) as I attempted to hobble my way from my bed to the bathroom, realizing I am now into FORCING myself to make it to work another day. This is not good. The effects of my "heathen" ways these past few weeks are no longer something I can ignore.
The MS gods have spoken to me in my vision...and, I think they're pissed!
I arrived at my cubicle/desk at work yesterday, nervous and feeling ill at ease, ill-prepared, and just plain "ill" hours before the first presentation of the "dog and pony show" Ms. "T" and I were presenting to the first round of our peers/critics. On my desk, there was a quaint, little basket of flowers with a note. The "note" was written by our Big Boss Lady, thanking us for the many hours of preparation we had put into this daunting task we were about to "kick off"...a series of 7, four hour, classes/instruction for our department.
It is truly amazing how a little basket of flowers and a thank you note of acknowledgement can make weeks of anxiety and struggle seem all worthwhile...it doesn't take much to make me happy. But then again, I'm rather "simple" like that...
I wonder how many unsuspecting perps will "google" the word PORN today and get a link to this post! LMAO What a surprise they will be in for...
Well, it IS true...I did have a "sex dream" this morning...BUT...I won't bore you with THOSE details! Instead, I'll bore you with my personal interpretation of what the dream meant to me (porn hunters may redirect now back to their original search!).
What little I know about dream interpretation, I learned in psychology 101 classes and most of it was based on the teaching of Dr. Freud. Frankly, I believe most of the time, Freud fanned the female fire (say THAT 10 times fast!) and he had many hang ups about his own mother...thus the majority of his theories. I also believe much of Freud's work was based on his OWN inadequacies, desires, and dysfunctions, which he primarily projected via female archetypes and energy!!! How's THAT for a line of psychobabble?!?
OK, so back to the "sex dream"...without going into gory details (because let's face it...the imagery or even the THOUGHT of moi in a sexual encounter might cause projectile vomiting for some), my "sex dream" involved several aspects of being exposed, humiliated, and included a multitude of people (which I'm STILL trying to figure out how an old high school class mate, who I have not thought about or remembered in years, weaseled their way into my unconscious psyche!!).
DOH! I don't think I need to pay an expert to figure this one out for me...today, Tuesday, is the FIRST of a series of presentations my coworker, "T", and I are doing for our department at work. We're both very nervous (yes, I WILL speak for her also!)...the material is new to both of us, in the sense neither one of us has taught this particular course before (although I used to be an instructor in two similar courses). We have studied and prepared to the best of our ability, but...it's STILL new material.
Add on top of the "new material pile" the notionI have not done any type of public speaking since 2003, when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The reason is, frankly, because the opportunity has just never arose in the past 4 years...but, I'm also quite nervous about my word finding difficulty, which has certainly worsened during my diagnostic tenure. Add on a pinch of stress (pinch?!) about "performing" in front of my colleagues, and I am fairly CERTAIN not only will the CAT be holding my tongue hostage, but MS may make a mockery out of my speech as well! I have always taken great pride in my communication abilities and my manner of teaching. Therefore, my "performance may be less than adequate, in front of a multitude of people, and become embarrassing"...
Thank Gawd I was able to save THAT $150.00 and interpret my OWN sex dream...LOL
Today, I received my quarterly (at least I think it's on that schedule?!?) edition of "MS Connection"...my local MS Chapter's publication. I always peruse these publications to try to stay abreast (you'll find out later in this post why the use of this word is a bit ironic here!) of local topics and events. And I always read the stories submitted by people living with MS...AND, these stories always bring tears to my eyes!
It's not that I feel sorry for these folks...good grief, the stories are geared to "inspire" and be "uplifting"! Perhaps it is that I feel sorry for MYSELF when I read them...I'm just not sure. What I do know is this: The power of the human spirit is a force unlike any other I have ever known in its ability to survive, change, grow, and withstand adversity. This simple fact is what reaches out from the pages of these stories and touches my heart so.
My own "spirit" is being toyed with today in a peculiar manner as the irony of some of my words meant to be humorous are being shoved in my face! I got "the call" today regarding the results of my mammogram last week...it seems my poking fun at the Breast Cancer Awareness marketing campaign has caused the Universe to want to poke me back...I only hope the "big U's" poke will contain some laughs as well!
It appears my average-sized, never fed children, frontal appendages may have a "problem"...or, they may not! I just LOVE this kind of indecisive news...my preliminary mammo shows diffuse asymmetrical quite possibly fibroid "developments". That's the polite way they tell you something's growing in your jugs that looks "suspicious"...but the Breast Testers have to first compare my mammo from two years ago to my CURRENT one...then they will decide what if anything needs to be done next.
My first reaction to this news was the thought I MIGHT finally have a disease who's marketing colors will match my personal color chart! My second reaction was, "What?!?" And my third (and the final one I'm settling with) reaction was based in scientific fact/knowledge that MANY women have preliminary mammograms that look "suspicious"...this is NOT like the news when I was told (and shown because I didn't believe the neurologist!) I had multiple lesions in my brain and one in my spine! I am comforted by the medical knowledge a high percentage of women walk around with "developments", AKA fibroids, which are not cancerous.
Meanwhile, I continue to feel a bit "verklempt"...so in the words of Linda Richmond (character played by Mike Myers of Saturday Night Live YEARS ago), "Talk amongst yourselves..."
That blog title is something my mother used to say I "allegedly" said when I was but a wee lass! But it is true...I AM so tired my hair hurts tonight. LOL
I have managed to spend most of my weekend either working on a WORK project or taking care of business around the hut...I am no longer in fear I might be crushed under a pile of toppling dishes that were awaiting a good scrubbing next to the sink and my laundry is (for the most part) done. I am blaming MS on my lack of reasoning and impulse control for agreeing to take on this "special" work assignment last year that has kept me consumed most of the weekend. Oh, yes...and I AM blaming you too, "T"!
I spent the better part of the afternoon today downtown at the "bat cave" where my main office of employment is (don't worry...young "T" was there, too), trying to organize some form or sense out of the pages of information we are about to present on Tuesday to the first group of our colleagues. I've decided the ONLY way we might come out of this project alive is to bake some cookies...it's a nice distraction while trying to slink out the door after presenting a mandatory training! At least if their mouths are full, they'll be less likely to spew venom at us...but there IS always the possibility of vegetable throwing (**making note to self to do a security check on all bags brought into the conference room**).
Oh yeah...and WHO IN THE H-E-double-L TOOTHPICKS decided THIS week was an excellent time to start daylight savings all over again?!? I certainly wasn't consulted, were you?? Just as I thought...maybe it was the MS Society since neither you nor I were consulted (Ooo...cheap jab there!).
I am sitting here at the puter utterly exhausted thinking, "But it's REALLY only 8:00PM right now. Why am I so dayumed tired?" It's a little game I play with myself every time thefeds roll the clocks forward or backward...the, "but it's really only" time game. I am giving serious consideration to moving to Arizona where this silly game is NOT played...it's just always the same time there...spring or fall...steady time...if it weren't for the hellish heat in AZ, I'd already have my bags packed!
Well, I must go now and comfort my aching hair...the poor, little follicles have been clinging for dear life as it is post Novantrone! Maybe laying them gently down on my pillow will soothe their tired strands...LOL...
