And to all you Naysayers and ye of little faith out there...I give YOU the Raspberry!!! Let the "happy dance" begin...
The "form", AKA, my release to return to work on full time status, has been signed, sealed, delivered, AND approved by my employer...and ALL Y'ALL thought I couldn't pull this one off! I guess to be quite honest (I DO hate honesty at times), I really wasn't certain I could pass the "neuro sniff test" either! LOL But, Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named signed on the dotted line earlier this afternoon, faxed the "form" to my office, and the cogs of bureaucracy spun in my favor...I will be returning to full time hours on Monday.
**Stepping left, stepping right, one spin and clap...the "happy dance"**
The arctic glacial chill that has settled over Seattle seems to have worked to my advantage this week via cancellation of my neuro appointment yesterday. I was able to obtain said "signature" on the "form" without having to see Dr. SWWNBN...almost...I was so close I could smell the victory in the air.
The emails went back and forth yesterday about the "form" and, being the ever-cunning patient I am, I had by the end of the day convinced Dr. SWWNBN she could simply sign off her name and all would be well. Today, I delivered the "form" to her office for her John Hancock right at noon (of course, on the way I slipped on the ice once with my cane going down hill and did a very not-so-graceful dip to the ground...no head injury, I am pleased to report! LOL). I quietly slipped (pun intended) into the office to whisper to her office staff what I needed. I didn't want my voice OR my scent to alert the blood hound doctor of my presence...she might, after all, DEMAND an exam!
It was almost a bust when her delightful and pleasant staff informed me the doctor was "in" and made motions as if to retrieve her...I frantically waved my arms in quiet motion (because I feared she might "sense" air moving in the lobby and come to see what was happening) whispering, "No no. That's the point. I don't WANT to see her!" They nodded in acknowledgment and smiled sheepishly...I held my cane close to my side as a protective weapon should I have to wield it as such.
Breathing a sigh of relief and a thankfulness for their colluding souls, I quietly slipped out the front door and headed toward the elevator...the doors were just closing as I approached. I pushed the button to await my coach to take me to the nearest exit, smiling with my head slightly tilted in smug pride. I had won the battle...whatever that meant. LOL
I stood silently at the "vator" contemplating just what I may have actually won...a solid trip back into the mines full-time...some of the idea appealing, some of it not. As I have said earlier in the week, I don't actually KNOW if I'm ready for the demands of my job full-time...my left leg still bothers me, fatigue has become a constant guest, my vertigo continues to rear its ugly head when looking to the right or up, and I haven't even TRIED driving yet.
But what I DO know about myself is this: Many times I have thought I couldn't possibly do something because of one reason or another...then, when I try it, all is well. My personal M.O. about THIS particular issue falls into the above category...I won't know if I can do it until I try it. And if I don't "try" it soon, I fear falling into some disabled complacency, at least in my mind...allowing myself to be "gimpy" because it is easier than pushing myself.
So THIS is what I have "won"...a mental battle over myself really. An "idea" about myself that I must try out while I still have the drive and desire to do so.
I listened to the elevators push and grind their way up and down as I stood in contemplation. Then suddenly, like a shrill bird screeching in the distance, I heard the loud call of Dr. SWWNBN just around the corner saying, "Stop! You can't get away from here without seeing me!" Damn, damn damn...the blood hound was hot on my trail.
I considered a frantic search for a stairwell, but the good doctor is far more physically fit than I...I was trapped...like an escaped convict with blood on their hands, the blood hound had followed my trail of deviance and "treed" me. It was time to switch to plan B...innocence and kindness! LOL
I tried to slip my cane behind my back, but even this was obvious...so I proceeded to have a brief conversation with Dr. SWWNBN. I was, after a few words, able to deflect her focus and throw her off my "mental" trail...or she just pretended...I may never know. LOL
But, all's well that ends well...I got the signature and the form. The more difficult battle will begin on Monday...the one I have to fight with myself. I'm just hoping my mind can whip my body into shape by then...or at least ENCOURAGE it to go the distance...