Thursday, January 11, 2007

It Just Borders On Rude...

     "Is that really my PHONE ringing at 6:00AM?" I thought to myself this morning...I may have actually even spoken the words out loud because I had been in a deep, dry-mouthed, snoring sleep when I was so rudely startled awake. WAS my phone...playing the theme song from "Sponge Bob, Square Pants" (if you have kids, you'll know this song) as I heard the captain yell out, "Are you ready kids?  I can't hear you!"

**Note to self--consider changing ring tone as it is quite frightening to be yelled at when not expecting it**

     I fumbled for and grabbed my super-secret bat cave phone in the dark and glanced at the LCD lit was a number I didn't recognize.  I HAVE all of my friends/medical contacts/enemies, etc., logged into my phone and my cell service would identify them immediately...the wonders of caller ID!

     "Dumb a$$", I mumbled to myself, and threw the phone back on the table not answering it.  I just assumed it was a wrong number because the ONLY people who would dare call me at that ungodly hour would be, A) My work, and B) A distant relative to tell me someone had died.  Nothing could be that important at 6:00AM.

     But unfortunately, I couldn't fall back to I decided to check my messages.  The "dumb a$$" caller HAD left one and I started worrying it just MIGHT be something to do with work...after all, Seattle/Armageddon DID just have another winter storm blow through, dumping inches of snow and ice around and causing incredible traffic problems/accidents.  I began to worry one of my night shift coworkers might be trying to reach me for some strange reason and maybe I should respond.

     I dialed the access code to retrieve my messages, only to hear the deep throat voice of Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named leaving a message to CANCEL my neuro appointment today!  What the hay?!?  I had to listen to it twice.

     Yes, she WAS calling me at 6:00AM to let me know it was "your favorite neurologist" calling to cancel my morning appointment because her office was closed due to weather...and "someone" would call me back at some point to reschedule.

     Mkay...First of all, I don't "do" 6:00AM...EVER...never have...won't start now.  And anyone who knows me even as a casual acquaintance knows NEVER to call me before's not only rude, but I CAN bite before eight.  And if you haven't had YOUR rabies shot, just don't call me before 8:00AM to find out!

     Second...I NEEDED to see Dr. SWWNBN today to get her to sign my thousand-paged form to release me back to work full time next week...I can't return to full time hours without it...and Monday is a "govmet" holiday (MLK Day), so it is imperative I have this form signed, sealed, and delivered tomorrow.

     Third...I have been practicing for a few days now (in collusion with a few coworkers) how to CHEAT on my neuro exam so the good doctor will just sign off, no questions asked!!!  I've grown weary of office's just not as exciting as chasing the mentally ill...and I just want to ride shotgun with my coworkers as we drive around the county looking for someone to detain!  I know...that description sounds pretty crude and it's really NOT what we do...just wanted to "spice" up the description of my job for you.

     But, at any rate, I feel I NEED to get back to working full time as my office has been suffering a lot of illnesses lately with an increased work load.  And with me out of the rotation, it makes more work for THEM/coworkers.  Never mind I have YET to drive a car and I'm still walking with a cane (the issues I needed to "cheat" on during my exam today!)...I think I can get around these minor details.

    The problem is, Dr. SWWNBN is a bit of a stickler for "details" I have recently discovered.  I guess she doesn't like to sign her beloved name to something that has potential to come back and bite her in the, for instance, if I were to KILL someone driving during the course of my job!  Minor detail...

     So...I've once again had to "shtoop" to emailing her and hope I can gain her blessing to return full time without her needing to visually see me.  But even if she DOES demand an in person neuro eval, I'm ready..."we've" come up with various distractions, etc., to throw this sniffing blood hound off my dirty trail!

     For instance...instead of the "follow my finger" exam, I'm considering the "pull my finger" exam!  Pray for me...I think I might need it...LOL 


pjorpeej said...

ROFLMAO!  Do you know what a snowball's chances in Miami are?  I'm betting they're pretty similar to the odds of you getting her to sign off on your back to work papers without a full exam.  :)

I wish you the best but don't hold your breath.  :)

mumma4evr said...

awww.......sorry!!!!!!!!  I think you should just show up at office and then leave her a message telling her if you were able to make it to her office then you must be well enough to go back to work full time next week!

crovira2 said...

Your "tour de phrase" are making me chortle and made me snort up my ginger ale.

As someone who *did* 06:00 (I didn't wanna, I didn't like ta, but I hadda,) I sympathize with your plight.

And why on earth do you have a "Sponge Bob Square Pants" ring tone?

That's gotta be one Hell of a story  behind that! I'd use the phone for target practice. (I did that with the damn pager when I quit THAT job. :-)

Doctor ALL do quite a bit of CYA these days. Specially if they can effectively immobilize you without having to strap you down (that's too much paperwork.)

I loved the "pull my finger" eye exam... You slay me, kiddo. :-)