The countdown for Novantrone today begins...I go into the infusion center at Club Med around 2:00PM for my first dose of the "blue juice". I am admittedly anxious about this...at times, even somewhat panicked to be quite honest! I even had a very bizarre dream last night about riding on a school bus with a bunch of children and the blonde bus driver collapses...I am forced to try to stop the bus without getting anyone killed and manage all the children...but when I am finally able to get them off the bus and I try to exit, I am trapped inside because I have an IV connected to me that I can't get undone. Freud (or any other psych nut) would have a hayday with THIS dream! LOL
I'm not exactly certain WHY my anxiety about THIS particular drug is so high. After all, for the past 4 years, I've submitted myself to multiple medications that have made me sick...even injecting them into myself. You'd think I'd be used to the "drama" of Multiple Sclerosis by now! LOL
I think there is just something completely out of balance in knowing the drug I am about to receive KILLS things...my cells, to be exact..."things" my body has obviously worked seemingly flawlessly to produce. And I realize these "things" may be the damning source of all of my problems, but they're STILL my cells. I tend to have a deep-rooted belief they must be there for a reason somehow or I wouldn't have an abundance of white blood cells (and all the others Novantrone may target in its attack!).
I've got my "peeps" on standby today...one to go with me and wipe my brow should I get nauseated and (God forbid) need to vomit...a few others reachable by phone should any unforeseen "event" take place. This is quite comforting...as I have said many times in this blog, I have somehow managed to find and maintain some of the best friends in the world (and you KNOW who you are, too!). I do trust their ability to "check in" should I unexpectedly "check out" at anytime. LOL
It IS rather difficult to write an upbeat or funny post today, however...the best I can hope for is, somewhere inside me, I will find the humor in my current "drama"...perhaps not today, but at some point. But for now, I must go complete a load of laundry and finish making my bed as well as spruce up the hut a bit...I don't want to be bothered with any of these silly details when I get home later today. Actually, I kind of don't want to be "bothered" at all today...