Sunday, February 25, 2007

Gimp...I Mean PIMP My Ride...

     I have a friend at work that mocks me relentlessly about my Multiple Sclerosis.  He can.  His first wife died from complications of MS.  He watched her extreme, rapid decline over the course of just three short, years—from diagnosis to death.  We have an “understanding” together…he makes good fun of me and my trials and tribulations with MS and I…well, I laugh sometimes until I nearly wet myself!

     During my latest and greatest relapse this past fall/winter, the subject of my mobility arose often.  I was walking with a cane and quite worried I might never return to walking without assistance.  As I shared these concerns with my coworker, who I’ll call “Casper”, the idea of one day possibly needing a motorized scooter came up.

     Being the high-strung and fiercely independent Leo I am, the thought of possibly being reduced to a four-wheeled ride was most alarming.  And, being the always-unique prankster I tend to be, the thought of having such a mobility device and not “standing out” in the crowd in some way left me devastated. 

     Casper and I began to brainstorm and the idea of the TV show, “Pimp My Ride” came up.  Why couldn’t a motorized scooter be individually crafted and decorated to display the “uniqueness” of its driver?  Plans began to surface…

     We decided if or when I EVER become relegated to a four wheel, motorized mode of transportation, MY personal scooter would have the following:


1.  A vertical extension bar on the handlebars terminating approximately two feet above the horizontal bar to hang a pair of fuzzy dice.


2.  “Spinner” hubcaps on all four wheels.


3.  A hydraulic lift mechanism so I could raise and lower the vehicle quickly up and down in a “taunting” manner.


4.  A small dashboard installed on the handlebars for my statue of the Virgin Mary, Buddha, or any other figurine.  The tiny dashboard would also be carpeted. 


5.  An electric horn that sounded the “Charge” song or the Queen song, “We Will, We Will Rock You”.


6.  Classic pin-stripe painting along the base and bucket seat.


7.  A small, but stylish “spoiler” mounted on the rear of the frame.


8.  A deep base stereo system…that an IPod would plug into.


9.  A small beverage holder mounted to the handlebars (just below the carpeted dashboard).


10. A vanity tag license plate reading, “Gymp”.


11. Driving clothes that would consist of:  one pair black leather gloves, one black leather “puffy” cap, black leather boots, chaps, and jacket.  And, of course, mirrored sunglasses.


     When I imagine my personalized “ride” above, my fears of immobility just seem to lessen!  Food for thought…

1 comment:

pjorpeej said...

Ummm... Joe informs me that "We Will Rock You" isn't actually a Queen song but a Gary Glitter song!   Having never personally heard of this Mr. Glitter, I agree it's Queen all the way!  :)


Send photos if/when you get it.