As I sat today moping in the muck of my MS, feeling sorry for myself, and yea, a tad bit angry, it came to mind that perhaps in this season of Thanksgiving it might me more "productive" to focus on a few items in my life I am grateful for. Believe me, this was/is NOT an easy shift for me right now, as I would prefer to thoroughly drown myself in my self-created muck!
But as I pondered this grand idea of "thankfulness", it became more of an innate reflexive desire to try to turn my lemons into lemonade...or at the very least, my "crap" into fertilizer! To try and move myself from this place of self-made despair and really focus on what is REAL...what is felt and known to be good in my life.
I initially set a goal (and a title for this blog, I might add!) of 20 things I am thankful for...I now know that's a bit of a lofty set up given my propensity toward the negative right now! LOL But I WILL just begin my list and see where it takes me...20 or not.
So, "THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR":
1. Just to get this negative thought out of the way in a twisted sense of gratitude, I am VERY THANKFUL I DO NOT HAVE RECTAL CANCER. There...I said it...now I'll move on.
2. Most importantly, I am grateful to have such wonderful friends like you who take the time to read my ramblings on "Cheese"...even though almost all of you, I have never met, I feel a special bond that crosses space and time and brings me close to those of you who feed my soul...what I call "friend".
3. I am thankful I remain gainfully employed in a profession that, for the most part, I thoroughly enjoy and feel successful at.
4. I am grateful I have enough of everything I could possibly need and almost anything I could ever want...a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, transportation, and all the comforts of "home".
5. I am so blessed to have my local "family" of friends who watch over me, make me laugh, comfort me, care for me, and provide such intimate caring that even my own family of origin would have a hard time matching if they were still alive and/or even nearby.
6. I am thankful to have a wonderful and wise mentor in my life right now who, not only feeds my spiritual nature, but also guides my path and walk beside me...thank you, QuintaE.
7. I am grateful to live in a country where freedoms are still "free" and I do not have to fear daily bombings, or going to bed hungry, or becoming enslaved or persecuted.
8. I am thankful to live in an area of the country where the air remains relatively clean, the scenery is still pristine and beautiful, and the spirit of the Northwest continues to hold it's ancient wisdoms.
9. I am grateful I still have the wit about me to "choose", to "decide", and to "know", and that my mental capacities remain as clear as they can be, in spite of MS.
10. I am thankful I have surrounded myself with what I believe to be the wisest and compassionate healthcare providers available to me and that they continue to honor and respect my wishes and see me as the person I am...not the disease.
11. I am thankful (most of the time!) for this little ball of fur I call my kitten, who delights me when she is good and even when she is bad! She offers me company and perspective in my life and something to remain responsible to.
12. I am grateful to have somehow not only survived my childhood and early adult years, but also incorporated valuable lessons about love, trust, and compassion...the essence of what makes me who I am today.
13. I am thankful I have many skills and continue to be able to share them with those around me...because the purpose of "having" something is found in the "giving" of it.
14. I am blessed to have learned about justice and peace and universal law at an early age...learning I am still incorporating and practicing in an effort to hone in a more precise manner.
15. I am thankful for creative writers who have inspired me over the years and offered me glimpses of understanding and insights outside of my usual world...things I would not otherwise be exposed to without their views and ideas.
16. Did I mention already I'm thankful I don't have rectal cancer????
OK...I made it to 15! That's really not too shabby given my mood today. I feel a bit more loose around the psyche belt gripping my being right now. It's good to try to focus on something other than the negatives...I may however, have to return repeatedly to reading this post MYSELF over the course of the next few days!
What are YOU thankful for? Throw me a bone in the comment section and give me something else to ponder...
HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL