Fa La La La, Dooby Doo Wa!....

     You may not recognize the sound of one hand clapping, but there's no mistaking that noise you're hearing...I'M SINGING!!!  Yes, it's true...Ray The Drain Guy is my all-time super hero.  Let the fat lady sing!

     You'll have to read back a couple of entries if you're new to "Cheese" to understand what the heck I'm talking about these days...good grief, even I've forgotten what my focus is lately because I've been overwhelmed with sewer problems at my shack.  I've spent the last 4 days deeply emerged in the muck of plumbing problems...truly a place akin to hell.

     Today, the absolute love of my life, "Ray The Drain Guy" (you know I would NOT be singing his praises had he left me swimming in my sewage mire), came by to take a look at the very expensive mess occurring underground in my pipes...the same pipes I have not been able to USE since the torrential rains of Seattle began falling last weekend.  Ray The Drain Guy was a last ditch effort before sinking an estimated (and a beginning estimate only) five grand into a major sewer pipe repair.  I got Ray The Drain Guy's number from a total stranger via a cold call on the phone...it seems Ray The Drain Guy can only be reached by "word of mouth"...I was cautiously optimistic and hid the good china just in case Ray The Drain Guy also was connected to any six feet underground work, if you know what I mean...

     Around 11:30AM, my phone mysteriously rang and a man on the other end said, "Hi.  This is Jeff from Ray's.  We'll be there in about 15 minutes if that's OK."  I advised the caller this would be fine and carefully asked if "Ray" would also be in attendance.  "Oh, yeah," Jeff says, "He's here, too," and hung up. 

     Moments later, an unmarked, white van pulled into my driveway and two men dressed in flannel shirts and full beards stepped out of the van.  The eldest of the Grisly Adams-type characters says, "I'm Ray.  What's the problem?"  I proceeded to show Ray (and son Jeff) into my home and discuss my situation.

     Ray The Drain Guy is a man of few words...he doesn't prefer to discuss his "plan", but instead just act on it.  He tells me, "Well this can't be done from in here (inside my home).  We're gonna have ta try to bust a pipe outside and see what happens."

     I watched Ray the Drain Guy and son Jeff unload what looked like homemade tools of cable wire, motors, electrical tape, and shovels.  (I later learned the tools WERE homemade...the very reason they worked so well!)  Then, I watched son Jeff dig around in my hillside until he located a sewer pipe (wasn't too hard to find as raw sewage was seeping out of the hill...how could anyone else PAID to find this miss the problem?!?)  Without much warning, Jeff busted into the sewer line and a shower of "muck" burst forth onto the hillside.  "Got it," Ray announces.

     At this point, a cold sweat poured from my forehead as Ray The Drain Guy started to create the very problem I was told I had in the first place...a busted sewer line!       Four and a half hours later however, Ray The Drain Guy and son Jeff had managed to not only locate a pool of sewage in my hillside, but also FIX the very problem!  My toilet runneth but not overfloweth again!!!

     I paid Ray The Drain Guy in cash...he prefers it that way.  I have no record he was even here and no bill to produce to anyone who were to ask.  Son Jeff will return sometime on Monday or Tuesday next week to cut out the section of pipe where they were working and put in a clean out in that area of the drainage system...He doesn't have any time before Monday because he's going elk hunting this weekend.  I should have guessed this from the beard and flannel.

     I asked Ray The Drain Guy if he had a business card.  He reached into his pocket with sewage-stained fingers and pulled out what looked like an address label with "Ray's Drain Tech" and a phone number typed on it in small print.  He says he doesn't carry business cards...probably because he really is a man of few words.  Or maybe he was on to me and realized I was hoping for something in print that might reveal what Ray The Drain Guy's last NAME is...I still don't know and I really don't care.  The guy just saved me a buttload of money and heart ache!

     The first thing I did late this afternoon after Ray The Drain Guy and son Jeff left was to take a long, hot, luxurious bath.  I watched the water do it's beautiful swirl down the drain as several gallons of liquid miraculously disappeared down my newly unclogged pipes.  One truly does not appreciate the beauty of a tiny drain whirlpool until it is taken from us...all is right in my world again.

     I heart Ray The Drain Guy...