Since I can't sleep anyway these days, I've been sitting awake ruminating on my 15 minute, Stryker Brigade, death-strike, neurological appointment tomorrow (actually now "today")...you know the kind...15 minutes to ask and have answered questions for what feels like decisions to be made for the rest of your life?!? Rather important questions needing some sophisticated responses from a doctor?
I'm actually not worried about the "sophistication" of responses by Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named (although I DO worry sometimes about her off-beat sense of humor)...I know she'll have something to say...she ALWAYS does. But I AM a bit concerned about my abilities right now to formulate appropriate questions AND to understand the responses. My head is a blur and my concentration is shot...not my usual presentation for such an important appointment.
I am with it enough to know to take a friend with me to be present for the "answer" portion of the test...I learned this valuable lesson year's ago. Of course, interestingly enough, even TWO people in the same room hearing the SAME response often "interpret" information differently...but it IS helpful to have someone present I know. Plus...I need to be schlepped up the hill to the doctor's office also, so said friend meets several purposes for me (thank you, said friend!).
I know I need to focus some questions on WHY my MS might be so aggressive right now in my life...I know I'd like some answers about prognosis, although I doubt I'll get any...tis the ol' MS crap shoot we all face ultimately.
I need to clarify what treatment options are available to me currently...there's been mention of Novantrone, pulse IV Solumedrol, drug study FTY720, Cellcept, and perhaps even little voodoo dolls with pins...but I may have made that last option up...I can't remember. LOL
I feel a need to have that "serious and frank" patient to doctor talk...the one Dr. SWWNBN and I actually AVOID most of the time because we just can't seem to control our own humor and sarcasm when in the same room together...but THIS time feels way too serious for me. I'd like her to answer me honestly what SHE would recommend to her own family member who might be in my shoes...bullshit and "hope" aside...WWDSWWNBND? (Ah, that would be abbreviations for, "What Would Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named Do?)...frankly, right now I'm not all that invested in WWJD...I personally think Jesus would ask a hell of a lot of questions, too! LOL
Then there's the need to know potential side effects of recommended treatments, and alternatives if chosen treatment FAILS, too (as I seem to be the recent post child for MS treatment failures...I'm seriously NOT proud of this fact...really!). I've got a LOT to cover in 15 minutes!!! LOL
Ultimately, I'm very aware this appointment will change little in my life right now, except provide some information I may not have access to without Dr. SWWNBN input...but I'm hoping just hearing it directly from her mouth versus written in an email will help to establish some semblance of order in the chaos of my brain right now...there's a lot "lost" in the world of cyberspace.
The "good doctor" and I may joke a lot with each other and mostly communicate via email, but there really IS something to be said for being able to "see" beyond the medical mask of a physician and REALLY feel what they are conveying...concern or crap...it's best to make those kind of judgments in person...
Wish me luck...