It was my Senior Prom theme..."Dream Weaver"...one of those good old late 70's kind of tunes, sung back in the days of carefree and frolic. I awoke this morning with the song playing over and over in my head like a bad ear worm!
I suppose the reason the song snuck into my consciousness was because I was laying in bed thinking about the dream I had just experienced. With my newfound and increased fatigue from the TYSABRI, I have been sleeping a lot more and at a much greater depth of sleep than I have in months (or maybe even years?!?)...consequently, I have been more aware of my dreams or experiencing a dream state more often.
Yesterday, I fell soundly asleep in the middle of the afternoon (again, very unlike me as I don't "nap" usually) and awoke from a disturbing dream staring my neurologist! Talk about a nightmare...she was, of course, unhappy with me about something, but it had nothing to do with my MS. HAD it been about my MS, I would have had to consider the possibility the dream was REALITY! LOL
Then this morning, I awoke having a particular feeling of satisfaction and that all was right in my world. This also is not my general feelings upon first awakening, so I was a bit puzzled. I sensed there was a remnant of a recent dream swirling around in the grey matter recesses of my mind and I tried to recall it.
What I remembered was a dream in which I was confronting a real person from my past who had harmed me...I won't go into details about the reality of the story, but suffice it to say, I have often had fantasies of this interaction taking place. What I WILL say is, the real life drama consisted of someone deliberately and knowingly harming me and me "taking the high road" and not speaking my truth to this person...not confronting them because "I was the better person". After my dream this morning, I'm now realizing my rationale was a grandiose load of crap! I've been too afraid to confront this person in the here and now. So...I did it in my dream.
The subconscious has a unique and wonderful way of protecting us...it creates an arena for working out (or suppressing) our most difficult life tasks. The thing we most often forget however, is the subconscious is merely the laundry basket for the wash...the dirty clothes will continue to pile up in the basket until the owner finally takes responsibility and does the washing. And if we choose to NEVER do the wash, the basket will overflow and make an intolerable mess in our minds.
This particular piece of "dirty laundry" in my mind has been laying around in my mental basket for years now...it's grown moldy and stinky over time...so much so, it's been causing a great stench in my brain. My dream today was a reminder to "do some wash"...but the dream was also a wonderful instruction manual for how to "Git 'Er Done".
In my dream, I clearly and concisely stated my feelings and did not allow the person to twist my thoughts...in my dream I was a powerful person who knew what was right and wrong and I would not take "no" for an answer. In my dream I felt such a sense of relief to finally SAY the things that were weighing heavily on my chest. In my dream I was triumphant...now awake, I still have these same thoughts and feelings and I am no longer fearful of what I must do.
In my life, I am preparing to speak my truth about a matter I have long held tightly to my chest...so tightly, it has been constricting my breathing. In my life, I will use the wisdoms discovered in my dream to "let go" of old feelings and hurts I no longer need to carry with me. In my life, my dreams can free me from these things if I only choose to listen.
Sing with me now..."Oooo dream weaver...I believe we can reach the morning li height!" Oh come on now! I know you remember this tune...