UPS lost my house this week...actually, I'm not sure if they misplaced it or I did. I certainly don't remember moving the building, but somehow they believe I did!
During my most recent steroid craze, I did the unthinkable and got on line to "shop"...I ordered "things"...things I thought I "needed"...I had these things shipped to my house. Everything arrived on schedule, except one package. I got a postcard in the mail from the BROWN STORE requesting an "address correction" or they were going to return my final package back to the sending company. They gave me two days to either drive across town and pick up my package or call them, so I chose to call on Friday.
Yolanda, the somewhat curt UPS Customer Assistant, tried to help me on the phone in sorting out why my package was not delivered as planned. It turned out sounding more like a skit of "Who's On First" by the Three Stooges. The phone conversation went something like this:
Yolanda: UPS. Can I help you?
Silly Me: Hi. I received a postcard in the mail two days ago from UPS telling me you needed an address correction to deliver my package. The address provided IS my correct address.
Yolanda: Tracking number?
Silly Me: Excuse me? What are you asking me?
Yolanda: Tracking number. On the postcard. What's your tracking number.
Silly Me: I'm sorry. There's no such number listed on this card (turning it over and scanning both sides for numbers). There's only a PTV# and a long number starting with the letter Z on here, butnothing that says "tracking number" beside it.
Yolanda: (Heavy sigh) What's your address then?
Silly Me: It's blaty blah blaty blah in Seattle.
Yolanda: And your corrected address?
Silly Me: No that IS my correct address. The one that's listed on the card and the one where this postcard came to. Blaty blah blaty blah. That's the correct address.
Yolanda: I need your corrected address (she says with a "snip" of impatience in her voice)
Silly Me: I'm telling you, that IS my correct address.
Yolanda: Just a minute. (I can hear snapping on a keyboard) We need your CORRECTED address ma'am. (Yolanda is clearly quite annoyed with me at this point)
Silly Me: And I'm telling you that IS my correct, liveable address! (And I am annoyed with Yolanda at this point, too) UPS delivered a package earlier this week to this very address and now you can't find it? I don't understand this. You found it on Monday, but couldn't find the house on Tuesday. The house didn't move and neither did I. It's the same address for both days. AND...UPS sent me a postcard through general mail to THIS address and it arrived here just fine. Why would you send a postcard to an address you thought wasn't valid to tell me you NEEDED a valid address? This really doesn't make much sense to me. (I'm no longer hiding my annoyance and wearing it on my sleeve)
Yolanda: (Long, deliberate pause) Without a corrected address, you're going to HAVE to go to the UPS Center address listed on the card and pick up your package, ma'am. (Yolanda says this very slowly and methodically...as if I'm brain injured)
Silly Me: OK. Fine. You win. I'll just go today and pick it up then.
Yolanda: What time will you be there?
Silly Me: Excuse me? Why is that important?
Yolanda: (Now beyond annoyed with me) Ma'am...(she drags out the word to two or three syllables) What time will you be there? We DO close, you know.
Silly Me: Your card says the Center is open until 8:00PM tonight, correct?
Yolanda: Yes, and what time will you be there?
Silly Me: Ahhh...I'll be there sometime before 8:00PM then. Will that work?
Yolanda: Well, yes. But we close at 8:00PM.
Silly Me: Fine. I'll be there sometime between 6:30PM and 8:00PM. Will THAT work?
Yolanda: (Now not speaking without long pauses) Yes...as long as you're there BEFORE 8:00PM. (Silence) If you'd just provide your corrected address, ma'am, we could still deliver your package to you.
Silly Me: Thank you, Yolanda. You've been more than helpful.