I'm not even sure I'd go (to work, that is), except I need the money...ah...and health insurance, and life insurance, and social contacts, and personal satisfactions, and...
I'm in my unusually LONG work week...a six day stretch right before my 6 day furlough (or "furlow", as I usually like to call it because that spelling conjures up images of letting my hair hang down!). And because I work anywhere from a 9-10 hour day, THIS week makes for a lot of hours spent at my "home away from home" office space.
I DO love my job...don't get me wrong. But lately my Multiple Sclerosis fatigue factor has been hanging on me like a pair of lead weights around my ankles. This fatigue and my tough schedule just don't mix well. I find myself having to CHOOSE between having the energy to make it through my work hours or taking care of other necessities at home...and, it's been my HOME and personal care that usually come second in the line up of choices.
This week, I also have a 3 hour MORNING staff meeting thrown into the mix (and y'all know how I detest morning time!). I have considered going to my big boss and telling her I simply can't make it to the meeting...I don't have enough spare energy to attend. But I fear making this type of "accommodation" request might begin a long series of questions and responses I am simply not ready to venture into. I fear I might be forced to provide a doctor's note, a certification of disability, etc. I'm just not ready yet to have this type of discussion because I don't FEEL disabled!
Those of us with MS, and still dipping our toes in the employment pool, face some challenging tasks and decisions. Because MS is such a "hidden" disorder, it is often difficult to make a case for accommodation or to even ACCEPT we might need one. It's this acceptance part I find the most challenging personally. I am not one to give in or to give up easily...I am also not one who likes to appear "weak" or "vulnerable" in any way.
But, I feel my body giving me signals lately it just doesn't want to cooperate with the demands I place upon it...gone are the days of functioning on 3 hours of sleep, fast food for meals, lack of exercise because there's no time, and pushing myself to the point of physical exhaustion. My body feels as if it is organizing to go on "strike" and, if I don't present a workable contract to the negotiation table soon, it will take it's picket signs and leave...my mind will be left scrambling to try and figure out how to make everything work. And since I can't hire a "scab" to cross that picket line, I suppose I best start listening to the body!
I've not talked about MS so much the past few days in blog, but it is ALWAYS reminding me it is here...it remains as the union organizer for my body, calling the shots behind the scenes and always trying to get something better for itself. MS wants a better contract, it wants a better pay off, it wants better hours and better working conditions, and it's constantly threatening to take my body on strike.
Looks like it may be time to call in the "Federal Mediators"...I'm just not able to work out much of a deal with MS right now and we're both quite frustrated with the negotiation process...