Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Do They Really Think We're THAT Stupid?...Probably, yes...

     I'm too tired and achy to really rant today...and my "I'm Just Sayin'" reflex is barely kicking as well.  BUT...

     Since I'm home lying about in recovery from my Tysabri infusion yesterday, I've had little to do but stare at the BoobTube/TV...I feel too crappy to do much else.  And after only an hour or two of life's greatest invention (TV?  Yeah, right...), I've come to the conclusion the "people in power" think the American TV viewers are as dumb as lemmings.  I'm talking about the Mafia Pharmaceutical Companies and their asinine drug ads...and I'm not so sure their theory about American's ability to think for themselves ISN'T all that inaccurate.

     In a matter of only one hour, I have been bombarded by no less than FIVE absolutely, idiotic, (did I already mention asinine?) completely amoral advertisements by DRUG COMPANIES!  And just so I can be fully sued for my opinion, let me name them outright:  Tylenol, The Boston Medical Group, Detrol, Boniva, and Loestrin 24Fe.  I DO feel a need to tell you a bit about each ad, just in case they are only being shown regionally to what the MPC (Mafia Pharmaceutical Companies) hopes is a brain dead West Coast.

     Let's start with the Tylenol ad:  A well-dressed woman, perhaps a CEO, is talking about the wonders of Tylenol.  No big deal so far, right?  But she's obviously a CEO FOR the makers of Tylenol.  And she tells the viewers (and I will take liberty to paraphrase here) if they're NOT going to take the product as prescribed, she doesn't want you to take it AT ALL!  Why???

     Hmmm...I'm going to take a wild, educated guess here (while I still have some educated brain cells rubbing together).  Because Tylenol WILL kill your liver if you take too much of it!  It's right there on the packaging insert.  It's a well-known fact to suicidal patients...overdose on Tylenol and you WILL die.  (But just in case you're considering this as an exit, let me warn you:  Acetaminophen overdose is an extremely painful death...and it won't kill you for about 3 days.  But it IS's a primary source for assured death by suicide if you don't seek intervention.  I DON'T recommend it however...and for the record, neither does Dr. Kevorkian!)  Do I smell a long trail of LAWSUITS here filed against the makers of Tylenol by STUPID people who took too much Tylenol for whatever STUPID reason and now suffer from permanent liver damage???  Yeah, OK...this one is a no brainer.

     Moving right along to The Boston Medical Group.  I kid you not, their add says, "Have Viagra and other products let you down?"       **Inserting VERY LONG pause here**

     Do they MEAN for that line to be funny, or is it just me?  But their commercial runs for all the STUPID LEMMING MEN out there who have been "let down" by Viagra and other products...The BMG assures the male viewer to have no fear...they can help...they guarantee it...they WON'T let you down!  I haven't researched this group to find out how they can guarantee a "NO LET DOWN" outcome, but I worry it may involve the insertion of a very long (or short in some cases) STEEL ROD!!!  Run to them, lemmings...RUN!

     Exhausting myself, but I must go on to the ad for Detrol.  OK, let me first say I sympathize with ANYONE who has an overactive bladder...I really do.  I don't want one, and if this particular drug helps you with YOUR overactive bladder problems, then I think you should take it.  But...I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT in between The Oprah Show and the 5:00 o'clock news!  And I certainly don't want to know about your problem via a bizarrely formed stick figure made out of plumbing pipes, driving a car (no less), and trying to BIRD WATCH...but he can't...because he has on OVERACTIVE BLADDER!!! ain't that commercial sweet??  Bring me a friggin' sedative because I can't take the "cute factor" applied to serious medical conditions.

     Boniva...Has Sally Fields lost her mind or in such dire straits she must be the spokesperson for THIS ad?  Didn't she just land herself a new gig on prime time TV to pay the bills?  And when did our little FLYING NUN become OLD enough to advertise for calcium replacement and osteoporosis???  I don't object to the pill, I just object to using dear SYBIL as it's spokesperson!  I NEED for Sally Fields to remain eternally young...I don't want to hear about her shrinking stature and her brittle bones.  True, her face lift scars may be showing, but I don't care Sally!  Get off the old lady pill ads and back to making us believe you have the ability to fly because of your habit or your Multiple Personalities are getting the best of you, Sybil!  Those were your GOOD DAYS and I rather miss them.

   And finally, Loestrin 24Fe...the new oral contraceptive NOT advertised to keep your young adolescent girls from carrying one in the oven, they can have a 3 DAY PERIOD!!!!  I'm not even sure it's mentioned clearly that this pill is for BIRTH CONTROL!!!  It's website is actually ...I am NOT kidding here.  Please go to this site and review the shameless advertising done to lure young women into believing they SHOULD only menstruate for 3 days...they can get more done...their fun won't be shortened...they won't have to BLEED inconveniently.

     For the love of God...has anyone ever stopped to think there might be a REASON women's menstrual cycles are the length they last?  Are there really mothers out there who might BELIEVE it would be better if their daughters only had their period for 3 days?  Is this a marketing strategy to pull the wool over the eyes of the Catholic Church and NOT let on this pill is actually a contraceptive?  AND...LASTLY...Do the makers of Tampax and other feminine hygiene products KNOW there's this deadly competition out there to keep women from spending half their paychecks on products to keep from dripping blood down their legs????  Have they realized the LOSS they will incur should women only need 1/2 the amount of hygiene products on a monthly basis?  Hmmm...I smell a mighty big TAMPAX lawsuit coming on.  Oh wait!  The MPC's probably own the feminine hygiene product rights as well...never mind!

     I'm really tired now...guess I'll go back to watching TV for a while.  I'll probably need to double dose my blood pressure medication however, just to get me through another hour or two of the BoobTube ads...


mdmhvonpa said...

You have obviously missed the 'Head-On' head-ache relief ads.  They were hit with the fact that it did nothing so they changed their ads to just repeat over and over again "HEAD-ON, Just apply to the Fore-Head!"  Nothing about any effects or what-not.  It's absurd.

baitulos said...

MDMHVONPA:  Oh NOOOO....I didn't forget THAT one!  It just didn't play during my hour or so of "monitoring" the tele! LOL  But at least it's not even remotely attempting to be cute...