Things I Have Learned This Week Totally By Accident...

1.  Rubber-tipped canes provide absolutely NO traction support on ice.

2.  It CAN snow twice in one week in Seattle.

3.  When the weather man says, "snow showers", there is no rain involved in the "shower" part at all.

4.  I wondered where all the cat toys had disappeared to...behind the wash machine...now I know.

5.  There are many kinds of Ethiopian foods because there are many tribes of Ethiopians.

6.  Some of my coworkers can't spell worth a darn.

7.  Vertigo happens in the strangest of places and circumstances.

8.  "Tube socks" are an essential wardrobe item when wearing a calf-high plastic brace.

9.  Some people don't care if you hear their story, just as long as you let them talk.

10.  Laughter to the point of nausea isn't necessarily a "good" thing.

11.  My laundry will NOT wash itself...who knew?

12.  Some people take great offense to the idea of wearing dirty underwear.

13.  Just because "they" say it's getting darker later, doesn't really make the day any longer.

14.  The President has no idea how to fix the mess he's created in the Middle East.

15.  Turning my cell phone off before I fall asleep could be a good practice to avoid early morning calls.

16.  Always write down new invention ideas with either a drawing or explanation...that way, when you stumble across cryptic notes, you'll have some idea what the heck you were talking about in the first place.

17.  Dr. SWWNBN can sprint pretty fast when on a mission.

18.  Cat litter on a cold bathroom floor with bare feet just plain sucks.

19.  You CANNOT train a cat to do anything.

20.  Nobody really notices if you don't iron your clothes...or at least they don't tell you.

21.  Not being able to drive really limits one's already destitute social life.

22.  I HAVE no social life.

23.  Old friends, like old pennies, DO come back to you...even after 10 years.

24.  Trying NOT to laugh during a serious meeting just makes me WANT to laugh harder.

25.  Losing weight will not happen just by thinking about it after eating a twinkie.

26.  Exercising more will not happen if you don't get up and DO it right after eating a twinkie.

27.  Never place your toilet paper on the shelf over your right shoulder if you get severe vertigo while looking over your right shoulder.

28.  There's just not a "good" place to throw up if you're already sitting on the toilet.

29.  Homemade treats attract friends like flies to honey.

30.  When you've got nothing productive to say, making a list of the things you've learned by accident just fills space, but doesn't prove to be very useful.

      

 

Na Na Na NEENER!...

     And to all you Naysayers and ye of little faith out there...I give YOU the Raspberry!!!  Let the "happy dance" begin...

     The "form", AKA, my release to return to work on full time status, has been signed, sealed, delivered, AND approved by my employer...and ALL Y'ALL thought I couldn't pull this one off!  I guess to be quite honest (I DO hate honesty at times), I really wasn't certain I could pass the "neuro sniff test" either! LOL  But, Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named signed on the dotted line earlier this afternoon, faxed the "form" to my office, and the cogs of bureaucracy spun in my favor...I will be returning to full time hours on Monday.

**Stepping left, stepping right, one spin and clap...the "happy dance"**

     The arctic glacial chill that has settled over Seattle seems to have worked to my advantage this week via cancellation of my neuro appointment yesterday.  I was able to obtain said "signature" on the "form" without having to see Dr. SWWNBN...almost...I was so close I could smell the victory in the air.

     The emails went back and forth yesterday about the "form" and, being the ever-cunning patient I am, I had by the end of the day convinced Dr. SWWNBN she could simply sign off her name and all would be well.  Today, I delivered the "form" to her office for her John Hancock right at noon (of course, on the way I slipped on the ice once with my cane going down hill and did a very not-so-graceful dip to the ground...no head injury, I am pleased to report! LOL).  I quietly slipped (pun intended) into the office to whisper to her office staff what I needed.  I didn't want my voice OR my scent to alert the blood hound doctor of my presence...she might, after all, DEMAND an exam!

     It was almost a bust when her delightful and pleasant staff informed me the doctor was "in" and made motions as if to retrieve her...I frantically waved my arms in quiet motion (because I feared she might "sense" air moving in the lobby and come to see what was happening) whispering, "No no.  That's the point.  I don't WANT to see her!"  They nodded in acknowledgment and smiled sheepishly...I held my cane close to my side as a protective weapon should I have to wield it as such.

     Breathing a sigh of relief and a thankfulness for their colluding souls, I quietly slipped out the front door and headed toward the elevator...the doors were just closing as I approached.  I pushed the button to await my coach to take me to the nearest exit, smiling with my head slightly tilted in smug pride.  I had won the battle...whatever that meant.  LOL

     I stood silently at the "vator" contemplating just what I may have actually won...a solid trip back into the mines full-time...some of the idea appealing, some of it not.  As I have said earlier in the week, I don't actually KNOW if I'm ready for the demands of my job full-time...my left leg still bothers me, fatigue has become a constant guest, my vertigo continues to rear its ugly head when looking to the right or up, and I haven't even TRIED driving yet.

     But what I DO know about myself is this:  Many times I have thought I couldn't possibly do something because of one reason or another...then, when I try it, all is well.  My personal M.O. about THIS particular issue falls into the above category...I won't know if I can do it until I try it.  And if I don't "try" it soon, I fear falling into some disabled complacency, at least in my mind...allowing myself to be "gimpy" because it is easier than pushing myself.

    So THIS is what I have "won"...a mental battle over myself really.  An "idea" about myself that I must try out while I still have the drive and desire to do so.

     I listened to the elevators push and grind their way up and down as I stood in contemplation.  Then suddenly, like a shrill bird screeching in the distance, I heard the loud call of Dr. SWWNBN just around the corner saying, "Stop!  You can't get away from here without seeing me!"  Damn, damn damn...the blood hound was hot on my trail.

     I considered a frantic search for a stairwell, but the good doctor is far more physically fit than I...I was trapped...like an escaped convict with blood on their hands, the blood hound had followed my trail of deviance and "treed" me.  It was time to switch to plan B...innocence and kindness! LOL

     I tried to slip my cane behind my back, but even this was obvious...so I proceeded to have a brief conversation with Dr. SWWNBN.  I was, after a few words, able to deflect her focus and throw her off my "mental" trail...or she just pretended...I may never know.  LOL

     But, all's well that ends well...I got the signature and the form.  The more difficult battle will begin on Monday...the one I have to fight with myself.  I'm just hoping my mind can whip my body into shape by then...or at least ENCOURAGE it to go the distance...

It Just Borders On Rude...

     "Is that really my PHONE ringing at 6:00AM?" I thought to myself this morning...I may have actually even spoken the words out loud because I had been in a deep, dry-mouthed, snoring sleep when I was so rudely startled awake.

     Yep...it WAS my phone...playing the theme song from "Sponge Bob, Square Pants" (if you have kids, you'll know this song) as I heard the captain yell out, "Are you ready kids?  I can't hear you!"

**Note to self--consider changing ring tone as it is quite frightening to be yelled at when not expecting it**

     I fumbled for and grabbed my super-secret bat cave phone in the dark and glanced at the LCD lit screen...it was a number I didn't recognize.  I HAVE all of my friends/medical contacts/enemies, etc., logged into my phone and my cell service would identify them immediately...the wonders of caller ID!

     "Dumb a$$", I mumbled to myself, and threw the phone back on the table not answering it.  I just assumed it was a wrong number because the ONLY people who would dare call me at that ungodly hour would be, A) My work, and B) A distant relative to tell me someone had died.  Nothing could be that important at 6:00AM.

     But unfortunately, I couldn't fall back to sleep...so I decided to check my messages.  The "dumb a$$" caller HAD left one and I started worrying it just MIGHT be something to do with work...after all, Seattle/Armageddon DID just have another winter storm blow through, dumping inches of snow and ice around and causing incredible traffic problems/accidents.  I began to worry one of my night shift coworkers might be trying to reach me for some strange reason and maybe I should respond.

     I dialed the access code to retrieve my messages, only to hear the deep throat voice of Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named leaving a message to CANCEL my neuro appointment today!  What the hay?!?  I had to listen to it twice.

     Yes, she WAS calling me at 6:00AM to let me know it was "your favorite neurologist" calling to cancel my morning appointment because her office was closed due to weather...and "someone" would call me back at some point to reschedule.

     Mkay...First of all, I don't "do" 6:00AM...EVER...never have...won't start now.  And anyone who knows me even as a casual acquaintance knows NEVER to call me before 8:00AM...it's not only rude, but I CAN bite before eight.  And if you haven't had YOUR rabies shot, just don't call me before 8:00AM to find out!

     Second...I NEEDED to see Dr. SWWNBN today to get her to sign my thousand-paged form to release me back to work full time next week...I can't return to full time hours without it...and Monday is a "govmet" holiday (MLK Day), so it is imperative I have this form signed, sealed, and delivered tomorrow.

     Third...I have been practicing for a few days now (in collusion with a few coworkers) how to CHEAT on my neuro exam so the good doctor will just sign off, no questions asked!!!  I've grown weary of office work...it's just not as exciting as chasing the mentally ill...and I just want to ride shotgun with my coworkers as we drive around the county looking for someone to detain!  I know...that description sounds pretty crude and it's really NOT what we do...just wanted to "spice" up the description of my job for you.

     But, at any rate, I feel I NEED to get back to working full time as my office has been suffering a lot of illnesses lately with an increased work load.  And with me out of the rotation, it makes more work for THEM/coworkers.  Never mind I have YET to drive a car and I'm still walking with a cane (the issues I needed to "cheat" on during my exam today!)...I think I can get around these minor details.

    The problem is, Dr. SWWNBN is a bit of a stickler for "details" I have recently discovered.  I guess she doesn't like to sign her beloved name to something that has potential to come back and bite her in the arse...like, for instance, if I were to KILL someone driving during the course of my job!  Minor detail...

     So...I've once again had to "shtoop" to emailing her and hope I can gain her blessing to return full time without her needing to visually see me.  But even if she DOES demand an in person neuro eval, I'm ready..."we've" come up with various distractions, etc., to throw this sniffing blood hound off my dirty trail!

     For instance...instead of the "follow my finger" exam, I'm considering the "pull my finger" exam!  Pray for me...I think I might need it...LOL 

Tipping The Scales...

     I'm not exactly talking about my weight here...although I WILL have to admit, I have of late been "tipping the scales" in that area of my life, too.  Steroids have NOT been kind to me...as neither has inertia, age, and other cosmic forces!

     What I AM speaking of (albeit, in round about terms) is my sense of "balance" in the world right now...or lack of it...depending on one's viewpoint.  I have made a mental note recently that, as I seem to be improving (perhaps at a snail's pace unfortunately!), it appears many of my "Blogosphere" friendships and connects have taken a turn downward.  I have heard from a few of you about recent difficulties, deaths, losses, changes in MS symptoms, and a various assortment of other trying circumstances.

     Now, perhaps it is MY viewpoint where I am seeing these things as difficulties or as being somehow "out of balance"...I certainly feel fortunate I am NOT experiencing the ordeals some of you have described AND my heart goes out to you.  I have no real words of wisdom or even comfort to offer...I just hope you realize I am thinking of you and sending thoughts of peace and calm.

     As has already been said by hundreds of "greats" for probably many centuries (and I take liberties here with my very own wording of the proverb), "One man's trash is another's piece of art"...er, something like that.  Or better yet, what I am interpreting as your "difficulties" may actually be viewed as "blessings" by each of you (and I believe you KNOW who you are right now...no explanations needed).  It's all a matter of perspective and balance.

     And in that analogy of "viewpoint", I might also add, as my OWN vision has changed from one of complete tunnel vision surrounding my life, I may simply be "seeing" or now using more of my peripheral sight...instead of being severely internally focused, YOU have finally fallen into my line of sight!  In terms of my OWN balance, I think this is a "good thing" (Love ya, Martha Stewart!).

     Whatever the case may be, I feel very fortunate I am improving in small steps each day...and I am saddened so many of YOU are finding yourselves in darker or more stressful times.  Whether it is simply a matter of taking turns or not in life's peculiar scale of "balance", I breathe a sigh of relief to be raised up a bit in the scale...and hopefully my arms can reach the length down to you to help pull you up or lighten your load.

    It's a stretch, but YOU have reached for me in the past...so I'll give it my best college try...

For Corrine...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sonnet 2 from "The Autumn Sonnets"

                by May Sarton

 

If I can let you go as trees let go

Their leaves, so casually, one by one;

If I can come to know what they do know,

That fall is the release, the consummation,

Then fear of time and the uncertain fruit

Would not distemper the great lucid skies

This strangest autumn, mellow and acute.

If I can take the dark with open eyes

And call it seasonal, not harsh or strange

(For love itself may need a time of sleep),

And, treelike, stand unmoved before the change,

Lose what I lose to keep what I can keep,

The strongest root still alive under the snow,

Love will endure--if I can let you go.

     Thinking of you in your time of loss...

LD

 

The Bath Tub Test...

     Most people think because I work in the field of psychiatry that I like psychiatric jokes...well, I DO...if they're funny!  But most of the so called "jokes" that usually hit my "IN" box of email just aren't all that humorous...frankly, I've got better REAL LIFE funny stories I could tell that out rank most of the email humor.  But, then again, due to federal and state confidentiality laws, I can't ever TELL my personal funny stories...so I'm stuck reading the ones in the "IN" box.

     Oddly, my born again, republican, conservative, lacking in most jovial moods, sister in the Bible Belt Midwest, sent me THIS psychiatric joke...I found it to be QUITE funny.  She's obviously been hiding a darkened humor side of herself all this time...LOL  :

     During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

     "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

     "Oh, I understand," said the visitor.  "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

     "No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.  Do YOU want a bed near the window?"

Another Week Ahead...

     It's Sunday evening and all I can think about is how much I did NOT get done this weekend!  My laundry remains piled high in the basket...my home remains looking as if the high winds we've been having here in the Northwest actually ripped THROUGH the interior, instead of outdoors...and I'm quite certain there are other assorted tasks I simply can't remember that remain "undone" on my list!  But alas, I am tired...

     I return to work again tomorrow for five days of my "reduced schedule" status.  Instead of putting in the usual 9.33 hours, I have only been clocking in between 6 - 8 hour days...this has certainly been ENOUGH.  By the time I get home, I am absolutely fatigued, dragging my leg with me, and feeling a bit nauseated as well.  I suppose this is why Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named suggested I only work SIX hour days for a bit...but, as usual, I defy her! LOL

     I CAN report in that my FUO (fever of unknown origin) has resolved...I have been afebrile for almost a week now.  That certainly boosts my spirits and my physical functioning...it is quite draining to feel feverish every day and the excess heat did NOT assist my fatigue.

     I have not gotten any results from my CT scan of my nose hairs (actually my sinuses and mastoid bones, but it felt like they must be looking at and separating every hair in my nose based on the bizarre positioning and time it took to complete the test!)...in the medical testing business, no news really IS good news.  It is standard to call within the first 24-48 hours of the testing if there's something "bad" showing up...I'll take no call to mean nothing is wrong.

     I DID get my hearing tested last week on Friday after a lengthy phone battle with my insurance carrier, who kept providing different coverage information each time I called...must be a "New Year's" kind of thing...or a cost-saving one!  Anyway, I am a bit HOH (hard of hearing), but it turns out when I'm not responding to people it really IS most likely because I'm choosing to ignore them!  LOL  There was also nothing significantly wrong with my ears/hearing.

     Madam "Z", my physical therapist, also put me through some more vestibular testing (inner ear) in PT this past week...come to find out, my repeated statements (and denials) about my vertigo and NOT having nystagmus (rapid movement of the eyes usually seen with MS vertigo) were not actually "accurate".  I donned a funky pair of goggles that had tiny eye cams in them while she twisted and turned me about to try to create my dizziness/vertigo.  While the cameras were rolling, so were my eyes!  Technically speaking, I have an upward, right "tic" in my eyes when experiencing vertigo/dizziness...AKA, friggin' nystagmus!  I am now certain to have my "Junior Medical License" pulled...

     This coming week, I not only am to work five days in a row, but I also see Madam "Z", Dr. She Who Will Not Be Named, AND I go back for more vestibular testing with Dr. Huh?  I'm thinking my laundry will either wash itself or I'll be wearing dirty underwear...

     Back to "resting" again...